"Teaching God's Word to God's World"
2766 Airport Road, Peru, Indiana 46970, (765) 472-4111
With the general public asking me to marry them. I have encountered several unusual things concerning weddings. As a result of bad experiences, I have found it necessary to add to my list of “Do’s and Don’ts” in regards to the question of whom will I join together in marriage. Here are the terms of my participation:
1. They must be of the same faith. Reason: Religion is a great source of contention in a marriage. A Jehovah Witness and a Mormon are going to fight. If widows are commanded to marry in the Lord, certainly virgins are expected to do the same. The clean ox and the unclean ass were not to be unequally yoked. A Christian must marry only in the Lord. We will not marry a Christian to members of denominational churches.
2. It must be the first marriage for both parties. Reason: Though Scripture permits divorce and remarriage in the case of an adulterous spouse; I refuse to marry anyone divorced, as we do not wish to set ourselves up as a judge of who has the right to remarry. If I were to marry a person to someone who is divorced, it becomes a delicate thing to refuse to marry another divorced person. It is less offensive to refuse to perform the marriage of any divorced person than to try to play detective.
3. The woman must be willing to say that she will “love, honor, cherish, and obey her husband” in the wedding vows. Reason: the Bible teaches that the wife is to be in subjection to her husband. Ephesians 5:22-24, “22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.”
The woman who refuses to acknowledge this principle in her vows is not ready for marriage, as she does not understand God’s divine order. I Corinthians 11:1-8.
4. There must not be any liquor of any kind at the reception. Reason: It starts the marriage off wrong. To pray God’s blessing on a marriage that begins with drinking could experience a wreck, and it would be a reflection on me and the Lord’s Church for someone to be killed by alcohol after a wedding I had performed. We would be glad to discuss the issue with those who believe the wine at Cana was liquor.
5. The bride, the groom, and each member of the bridal party must be free from the smell of alcohol at the wedding. Reason: Their judgment must be clear and all must be fully aware of the vows they are taking. It is too solemn an occasion to have any participants drunk.
6. The bride must take the husband’s name in the marriage, and the husband must keep his own name. Reason: Eve became known as “Adam.” Adam did not become known as “Eve.”
Genesis 5:2, “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.”
7. If a couple comes to me, who are currently living together unmarried, there must be a separation in the living arrangements till after the marriage. Reason: It would appear that we approve of their “trial marriage.”
8. If a Christian couple is pregnant on the date of the marriage, there is to be a public admission of their sin. Reason: Admittedly, many girls marry who are not virgins, and they are never found out. However, if the sin is a public one, the repentance should be a public one. To simply act as if the Church approved of pre-marital sex is to encourage more of it.
9. At least one set of parents of the couple must be in agreement with the marriage. Reason: If both sets of parents are opposed to the wedding, the marriage will not have soil in which the marriage can grow.
10. I must be convinced that the couple is mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially ready to establish a home together. Reason: I cannot sit in judgment of a person’s spiritually. I will not make “being a Christian” the basis of my marrying a couple. God must read their hearts. I do believe that I can judge the four things listed above. It is folly to join two people in marriage when these things are not present.
11. The couple must be willing to have pre-marital counseling, or agree to listen to all the pre-marital tapes I suggest. Reason: If a person is not willing to spend a few hours to learn the pitfalls of marriage, the person is not ready for marriage.
12. The environment of the wedding must be conducive to the seriousness and sanctity of the occasion. Reason: Marriage is holy and should be entered into reverently and seriously. I will not marry couples on roller skates, in swimming suits, or while sky diving [Especially if I have to jump!] Absolutely no marriage will be performed by me in a nudist colony. I would consider an all expense paid trip to some exotic island for the ceremony.
As Mr. Nixon would say,
“I want to make myself perfectly clear!” It is not my duty to marry anyone. God never gave this charge to a preacher. The Scriptures are silent on a preacher’s
involvement in a marriage. The Bible
does say to the preacher, “Be not a partaker of other men’s sins. I Timothy 5:22. Many things are asked of a preacher at
weddings, which violate his conscience.
Though it is an honor to be asked to perform a marriage ceremony, it
should also be considered an honor for the preacher to agree to do so. We are not under obligation to God, nor the
law, nor the Church to officiate at weddings.
We will not violate our convictions.
Our conscience must be clear in this regard, as in every other endeavor
in which we engage as a minister. Christ
sent me not to marry, but to preach the Gospel.
We will be willing to perform those marriages which meet these terms.